The weather's great. I'm usually not one for hot sunny days, but this year I seem to have been enjoying just sitting in the happy sun for hours on end.

It makes me smile. It's strange that something so simple, like a shining sun, has made me feel so good.

I'm so gracious to whatever it is that has taken away that 'blackness' that had been following me around for months. I finally feel like a proper person again. I feel as if each day isn't a waste of oxygen after all.

I'm not a religious girl, but it's as if something really did come to save me from being devoured by the big, scary badness of the 'D-Word'. Reading back at old entries in here (about three months ago or so), I can see how desperate my situation was getting. And, although I know that it's not completely gone and that I still have to confront it sometime, at least in the meantime I can bask in the knowledge that I am currently quite happy.

So why am I happy? I'm not sure myself. It's a mixture of things, I think :

* self-liberation - I'm not at school anymore, so I don't feel as if I have no control over my life. I now feel much more independent and not so restricted.

* relaxation - School and exams are other and I have nothing to cause myself serious stress over. I'm taking life slowly, but still making sure that I do things and vary my daily routine.

* stability - My home/family life is less complex than it used to be. Granted, there are still many, many complications, but it looks as if things may someday reach some degree of normality.

* and, finally, the feeling that I am wanted. I spent months honestly believing that I was unloved and undesirable. But I'm getting closer to understanding that I am a good person.

...