Yes, okay, I could blah on about my exams, daily routine etc, but at the end of the day I wouldn't be being truthful to myself. I started doing this diary so that I could attempt to put some of my real emotions and feelings down and remember them. So, surely the only way I can accomplish that is by actually writing about what it is I am feeling at that moment?

This is the first time I have felt like this in my life. Ever. I don't want to ever forget the thoughts that are racing around my mind. Even all the stupid, paranoid worries that get under my skin - I want to remember them too.

...

So, he phoned me last night and we talked for a little while. It wasn't as detailed and long as our usual phone-conversations, because I wasn't really in the mood (time of the month - or TOM as Helen calls it. When I'm pissed off she says to me "What's wrong? Or is it Tom's fault again?'), but it was stil nice.

He's really easy to talk to and I've found myself telling him intimate things that I've never told anybody (not even this diary) and he takes it all so well. He never seems shocked or misunderstands anything. It's scary - there should be something very wrong with him, but I can't figure it out.

He's just sent me a text message *gushes*.

The problem is that I'm too cynical. I think 'Oh he's so sweet, he's so intelligent, he's so pefect...' and then I think that there must be something very wrong. Thing's just aren't perfect - life doesn't work like that. My life doesn't work like that.

So what if he's a serial-boyfriend? (not that he actually is my boyfriend - but, bah, you know what I mean) What if he lures girls in with his charm, wit and good looks, and then breaks them? What if he is just horny and I seem like an easy shag?

What if...? What if...?

I could write a novel of 'what if?'s

So what do I do? Do I keep on asking myself these questions in an attempt to remain grounded and not let my feelings run away with me or do I just ignore my skeptisisms and enjoy feeling wanted?

I wish someone could answer these questions.

I'm supposed to be taking it all as 'just a bit of fun', but I can't help it. I'm naturally an over-analyser. I have to tear things apart and look at every ripped up part of them, just to make sure that they exist.

I wish I didn't feel the need to constantly make every complex.