There have been revelations though. Although I feel as if that lingering black cloud still hovers above my head, I am learning to deal with it.... for the time being. I've discovered something which makes me feel better and I'm managing to control how I use it. I think that perhaps this whole 'blackness' has its roots in boredom. I've been so incredibly bored with life these past few months. I never have the chance to go anywhere or do anything, so life becomes one big routine that I get stuck in. So, my theory is that when I leave school the whole boredom will, hopefully, come to an end. I know it won't, but at least I'll be starting fresh and able to get myself out of this little rut. So, if my theory is correct, the black cloud will only follow me for about a month longer. Then when I start college in September all will be better.
I know it's a weak theory - but it might just get me through.
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In an attempt to get through, I'm going to think of other things.
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I want to go to Leeds festival this year. Courtney's playing. Yes, Courtney. If I could ever see anyone live, it would be Courtney Love. This is just another one of my passing dreams though, because I really don't see myself ever being there. If I had someone to go with it would alright - but none of my friends would be interested. That really pisses me off. I wish I had friends who were into similar stuff as I am. I mean, don't get me wrong - I love my friends, but I just wish I had some who got passionate about the same things that I do. But maybe when I get to college I'll meet some people who do. As I said, I love my friends, but maybe it's time we all moved on.